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Transcript of McCain’s Process For Picking Palin

A recording has been found of the discussion of how Republican Presidential candidate John McCain chose his running mate, Sarah Palin. Here’s the transcript, although unfortunately the audio file itself was destroyed while importing it into the computer:

McCain: Ok, well, we need to find me a vice-president. The convention is next week.

Advisor: Anything you say Senator. I guess it is an important decision.

McCain: Nah, not really. What does the veep do anyway?

Advisor: Not much usually. Sometimes the VP gets to vote in the Senate. What are your criteria for your vice president?

McCain: Well now, let’s work that out. They need to have experience governing.

Advisor: Governing? So you want a governor?

McCain: Yes. And a Republican, of course.

Advisor: Why, Senator? You’re a maverick; maybe we should choose a Democrat.

McCain: Well, that’s an interesting thought.

Advisor: Hillary made the Democratic race pretty exciting.

McCain: I wonder if she’d want be interested?

Advisor: I think I read somewhere that she only wanted to be President. I don’t think I’d sleep too well if she were one heartbeat away from my Presidency.

McCain: Good point. So, let’s stay with our own party for now. I think we need a woman to cash in on the female voters that won’t vote for Obama and Biden.

Advisor: Of course. I think we can work with that.

McCain: And she needs to have serious foreign policy expertise. Do you think we can find anyone that fits all of those criteria?

Advisor: Let me look. Hmm, Wikipedia lists 56 choices for Governor.

McCain: 56! I thought we only had 50 states. That wackypedia thing can’t be right. You know, I can’t even type. Hey, can Cindy be my vice president?

Advisor: Let’s stay focused sir. The United States has six territories as well.

McCain: Oh yes.

Advisor: Now, of those 56 leaders, 23 are Republicans.

McCain: Excellent, it looks like we’re getting somewhere.

Advisor: And there are only 3 female Republican governors: M. Jodi Rell of Connecticut; Linda Lingle of Hawaii; and Sarah Palin of Alaska.

McCain: I don’t know any of them. What about their foreign policy expertise?

Advisor: Sorry, Senator, I’m not sure either. Anyone have an atlas? (delay) Well, Connecticut is on the East Coast, so she’s out. Hawaii is 2,000 miles away from any other landmass, so what experience could there be out in the middle of the ocean?

McCain: Wasn’t Obama born in Hawaii? That could be a plus.

Advisor: Yes, he was. But look, sir, the map shows that Alaska actually touches Canada. And Russia is just across the Bering Strait.

McCain: Wow, this Gov. Palin looks like a mighty strong candidate. Let’s get her! I sure hope those reporters ask her about her foreign policy expertise.

Advisor: Yes sir!