Non-ticket related - Humor

Non-ticket related - Humor

Date: Thu, 9 Sep 1999 17:28:40 -0400

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Subject: You know you live in DC when.............

You Know You Live in DC When....

Your blood pressure skyrockets when tourists are standing immobile on the left side of the escalator.

You would rather suffer heatstroke than drink the city water.

You never refer to your boss by their name, just as their title preceded by "the" (The Secretary, The Senator, The Partner)

You find yourself saying "but it's only $1.5 billion."

People just call the city "D.C."

The government closes schools because there is a 40%CHANCE of snow

Everyone calls the 10 inches of snow last year "THE GREAT BLIZZARD".

All the people on the city board know the mayor from their time in Lorton Prison together.

There are 15 main ways out of the city onto the highway but no signs to say where these are.

Drivers pick up strangers at bus stops so that they can drive in the HOV lanes during rush hour.

You spend 2 hours to find a parking space and it's for "one hour only".

The road you are on is suddenly interrupted by a building.

People give different directions to get to the same destination depending on the day you are going there.

The weatherman declares the weather is suddenly a cool 89 degrees with only 90% humidity and you are happy.

Diplomatic license plates bring on anxiety attacks.

The weatherman calls for 2 inches of snow and you have to rush to the grocery store to buy diapers, milk, bread, and toilet paper and you don't even have a baby.

You watch the World/National News to find out what to do this weekend.

You race for the elevator in the metro.

You dream of moving to the suburbs only to look out the window of your $300,000 house directly into your neighbor's window 4 feet away.

Nobody you know actually makes anything.

Most of your friends want to become "independent consultants" (or have).

All of your friends are either: Lawyers, Computer People, Work for some gov't abbreviation (i.e. IRS, DOD, DOI,etc..), work "for the Pentagon" or "on the Hill" or "for the White House", (i.e. they work for a location, not a person).

Knowing somebody that can get you into an embassy, the White House, or congressional party is a status symbol.

People talk in acronyms and they actually understand each other.

When you ask someone what they do for a living they respond "I would tell you but I'd have to kill you". And they are serious.

When you hit a softball and it bounces off the Washington Monument, it isn't vandalism, it's a ground rule double.

No one you know is actually from there.

You think $8 is pretty reasonable for a beer.

You get dressed up to go to the Social Safeway for your groceries.

The fact that the Metro stops running at midnight means you have to rush out of the office to catch the last train home.