(version 78.61, material by Joseph Helenihi, kunane@netcom.com,

(version 78.61, material by Joseph Helenihi, kunane@netcom.com,

jhelenihi@gw.paradyne.com, froggy@neosoft.com, smeyer1@ic3.ithaca.edu, customized by mattaroo@nai.net)

Dear: [ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] Flamer [ ] "Me too" er [ ] Pervert [ ] Geek [ ] Spammer [ ] Racist [ ] Fed [ ] Stereotypical AOLer [ ] Freak [ ] Troller [ ] Fundamentalist [ ] Satanist [ ] Scientologist

You Are Being Flamed Because: [ ] You posted what should have been emailed [ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line [ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup [ ] You self-rightously impose your religious beliefs on others [ ] You posted something asking for warez sites [ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply [ ] You started a long, stupid thread [ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread [ ] You employ no word wrap [ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it [ ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam [ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in alt.test [ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message [ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait [ ] You posted a blatently obvious troll [ ] You followed up to a blatently obvious troll [ ] Your grammar/spelling/punctuation is errant [ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous [ ] You said "me too" to something [ ] You make no sense [ ] Your sig/alias/server is dreadful [ ] You posted a phone-sex ad [ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme [ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal [ ] You posted in ElItE CaPiTaLs to look K3WL [ ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON [ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless that you are being flamed anyway

To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're doing [ ] Be Senator Exon's love slave [ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week [ ] Give up your AOL account [ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it [ ] Tell your Mommy to up your medication [ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor [ ] Actually post something relevant [ ] Make a homepage for the goddess Hello Kitty [ ] Read the FAQ [ ] Post to alt.test [ ] Print your home phone number in your ads [ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month

In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] Get a clue [ ] Get a life [ ] Go away [ ] Age 10 more years before you post again [ ] Never post again [ ] I pity your dog [ ] You need to seek psychiatric help [ ] Morons like you give ammo to pro-censorship geeks [ ] Yer momma's so fat/stupid/ugly etc... [ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else [ ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet [ ] All of the above